found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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