someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
