I look better un-naked...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize