theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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