i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
