K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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