is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
