and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
