I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
