There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
