On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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