first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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