Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
