I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
