i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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