You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
