I met the friendliest cop last night
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She tied me up with her honor cords...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
