my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
