Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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