Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
