I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
