Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
