Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
