Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
