So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
