about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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