I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
