i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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