the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
