Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
