We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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