You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
