Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
