Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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