That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
