toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
