I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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