i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
