I got chris browned last night
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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