Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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