this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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