He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
