Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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