he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
