I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
