I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize