Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
