Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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