Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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