He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
