so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
