Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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