why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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