my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
