his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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