maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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