how can u be prego again
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
