just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
