Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
