i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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