I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you would pick up someone in the library
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
