We need to rekindle our bromance
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
