what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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