On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
