Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
