Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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