Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
