I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
