i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
