is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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