i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
