So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
