This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
