I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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