Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize