drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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