Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
