We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
