I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
