the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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