The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
