Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
