I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Quick, to the slutcave!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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