you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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