But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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