if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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