What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
