how can u be prego again
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
