I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
