i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
honey bunches of taint.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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