We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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