I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
