We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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